Snakes.. and the last post of the year

An article in Straits Times today reports an increased sighting in snakes in urban areas, such as in houses and on the streets. An example was given of a Ms Marino who found a snake in her house and called the police, who then told her to call the pest control agency, who charged her $500 to remove the snake.

Excerpts from that article:
"Police... will respond to cases of wild animals found in public areas if there is imminent danger to the public. But if the snake appears in a private compound, the police will respond only when there is an "immediate danger to life". otherwise, home owners are advised to call pest control companies.
Pest control companies... prices vary - charges of $300-$600 are common. Rates differ on the situation, such as the size, species and aggression of the snake, and the amount of manpower and effort needed to catch it. "

(and example was given of a snake hiding behind a cupboard which had only a small gap, where the snake catchers had to wait 4-5 hours for a carpenter to come in order to remove the snake. The bill was $800)


Hmmm....

~~~~
On the phone-

Ms Oniram: "Help police! There's a huge snake in my house! Help help!"

Police: Please calm down madam. Firstly, what type of snake is it?

Ms Oniram: "I don't know! A huge one! It's like.. 5m long? With spots on it.. and it has a fan like head. Help!"

Police: Hmm that would sound like a cobra. Sounds pretty dangerous. But we only respond if there is immediate danger to life. Is the snake attacking you madam?

Ms Oniram: "No it's lying behind my sofa and making loud hissing noises!"

Police: Oh no, then I'm sorry madam, we cannot help you. Since the snake is lying there, there is no immediate danger to your life. We only respond if the snake is already up in an aggressive stance and making violent snaps at you. Of course, it would be better if the snake has bitten you, so that with the venomous poison running through your body, it's more life threatening and we'll have more incentive to come.

Ms Oniram: What?? Then what do I do!

Police: I would suggest you call the pest agency madam, they will handle the snake for you. Of course, if immediate danger to your life occurs like if the snakes wraps itself around you and starts squeezing you, feel free to call us again and we'll re-evaluate the situation. Have a niceeeeeeee day madam!

--
Ms Oniram: Exterminators Pest Agency? Help! There's a snake in my room!

Pest Agency: We will be right over madam!

15 minutes later..

Mr Tan (from pest agency) : Where is the snake, madam?

Ms Oniram: Over there! It slithered over behind the cupboard!

Mr Tan: Before I do anything, you must know that our basic charge is $300, and our fee varies with the situation.

Ms Oniram: Ok ok!! Just get the snake out of the house!

Mr Tan: May I know the size and species of the snake?

Ms Oniram: It is a cobra i think! About 5m long!

Mr Tan: Ooh ok, cobras cost 100 extra, and with our formula for length of snake, a 5m long snake would cost you an extra $31.40. Has the snake made any aggressive gestures to you?

Ms Oniram: When it saw me it hissed loudly and flickered its tongue?

Mr Tan: Oh that is only level 2 aggression. Hence only another $25 extra. How heavy is that cupboard madam?

Ms Oniram: ?? What's the relevance? Erm, i dont know, about 30kg?

Mr Tan: Hmmm.. ok that will be another $63 more. This is because our prices vary according to the amount of effort required to catch the snake. And 30kg is pretty heavy for me to lift, I'm only 63kg. Hence I'll charge you that $63.

Ms Oniram: Ok ok! But i was just wondering, how are you going to carry that 5m long python away? It must be pretty heavy?

Mr Tan: That's right... I'll call my colleague to come help me. That will be another $150 madam, because our prices vary according to the manpower required too.

~~~

I should soo start a mrbrown-type of podcast series.