I'm still in a state of denial that I'm leaving. I can't believe I'm actually over and done with this chapter of my life. If I close my eyes I can still remember vividly the scene on the day I left Singapore, with all my loved ones at the airport sending me off, and my gf all teary-eyed, wrapped up in my arms.
And when I open them I see myself seated in front of the departure gates of Logan International Airport, getting ready to leave this chapter of my life behind me.
A question I got a lot from my friends here in the past week was "Are you sad? (that you're leaving)" And every single time, my response had been "YES I am DAMN sad! I wish I could stay for another semester.. that would be perfect."
Indeed, I think one semester is too short. It's like, you just begin to get acculturalised; you just begin to form bonds with people here; you just begin to settle in to the weather - and then you have to leave. And then you have to re-calibrate yourself back to your home country, and forget every fixed action pattern you have acquired in the previous 4 months. And then you have to accept the fact that you will not be seeing some friends for a very, very long time. Some probably never again.
[caption id="" align="alignnone" width="403"]
Two dear American friends[/caption]In the past week I met up with all those that mattered. I had meals with the friends I had made here, hung out and played cards, taboo, etc. And when the time came to say goodbye, I gave them the best hug I had to bid farewell. I wasn't too emotional, though I had a heavy heart. I was nowhere close to tears at any point of time of any goodbye, but my heart was making a frowny face.
My friends in Singapore were like, hey, look forward to meeting us! Don't be so sad! But I don't think they understand (besides bestie, who has gone for exchange as well and gone through the same thing). Emotions do not balance like an equation. Increasing positive emotions do not counterbalance and hence eliminate negative emotions. While I can look forward to meeting my loved ones again, it does not take anything away from the sadness of leaving my friends here.
I do look forward to seeing my gf again though. The sight of her suddenly breaking down and sobbing when I left will always be etched in the tablets of my memories. And then again just before I went through the departure gates. It made me realize how important I was to her. It wasn't that I didn't know before, it is more of it accentuated the point. It put it in the spotlight and highlighted it and screamed out at me to treasure what I had, that many desire. To have someone love you like that, it's truly a blessing.
When I see her again, I know exactly what I will do. My arms will invite her in, and she will fall into me and I will hold her. I will hold her with such conviction that she'll know how long I've waited to do that, how much I will hold on to her and not let go, how much I've missed having her in my arms. I can imagine how my body would relax and my heart would sigh as I bury my head in the nook of her neck and let her smell wash over me. I would embrace the feeling of comfort and familiarity that she brings.
Before all that. Before I get back to the harsh, humid, hot reality of Singapore, I still have a long journey. My flight to New York is at 3PM, and my flight from New York to Singapore is at 11pm. That's another 7 or so hours of waiting. I will make another blog entry then I think. And then it's a 12.5 hour flight to Dubai, a FOUR hour stopover, and then a 7 hour flight back to SG. So, it's another 33.5 hours before I return to Singapore. Holy shit that's long.
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