a turnaround

Dear Lord,
I'm tired of leading my own life
Making my own decisions, trying to choose my own path
It's so mentally and physically and emotionally draining
Lead me, be the King of my life.
Help me to accept whatever path you send me down.
Make the decisions for me and help me to realise any opportunities that you make available for me and grab at them immediately.

Take over of my life
All my injuries, my illnesses, i just raise them all to you
and choose what you deem fit to do with me
Just whatever it is, please dont let me suffer too much.
Give me the emotional support that i need through friends
Let them encourage me and motivate me

I surrender to you Lord

Amen.

~~

Uncle William in today's message: "Pray for everything, but be anxious about nothing"

Indeed, this struck a chord in me and i want to adopt this attitude in my life. For the past 6 weeks i've been worrying nonstop, and busy planning and thinking and stretching my mind wondering HOW to get out, how to get an easier posting, how to down pes, how to lead life the way i want!
It's SO tiring, and has caused me quite an amount of stress.

I've had enough of it. Today on the train on the way to camp.. i decided to say a prayer, something similar (but perhaps a little longer) to what i wrote above. I wanted to be rid of the burden of worrying what to do next, what to say, how to act, how to react.

I'm appealing to everyone to keep me to this promise - that i'll commit my life to God. Let Him decide my path, and to try to accept wherever he sends me. Send me SMSes of encouragement or motivation, or just talk to me once in a while yea? To keep me strong.


What made me have this turnaround? Well maybe it's the countless 'why are you doing this?' that i've heard. E.g, from weiqin, becky,my mom, others etc. Of course, they dont understand the rigor of army, but they probably also dont understand why many other people go through it while i want out.

Well, primarily, i'm lazy. But now my knees are quite screwed up. I was experiencing some weakness and pain since BSLC (March/April) , but it was an on/off thing. However, it is affecting me CONSTANTLY now. Like my knees always feel weak.. like the kinda feeling you get when you stand for 5 hours. I get it in 5 minutes. And i'll get some acute pains in my knee joints occasionally. I can't walk more than 5 metres without feeling a little wobbly at my knees.

So how? I've prayed about this, and i'm telling God - heal my knees by the time i go Taiwan, or don't let me go at all. I mean.. how am i going to walk 100++ km with these knees? I'll probably tear my muscles/ligaments by the end of it or something. Will he answer my prayer? I dunno. I haven't had major answered prayers in a while. :/


Ok for those who are wondering, I'm going to Taiwan on the 25th of July and coming back on the 17th of August. I don't know the flight times but i doubt anyone will wanna send me anyway (it's such a small thing! just 3 weeks training) so it's ok hor. besides my bestie who says she will send me off.

alright.. it's gonna be time to fall in soon. yup im using army com. keep me in your prayers yea. =) bye peeps.