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This post is over 2 weeks late, but hey, better late then never right?

On 6th of November (actual date is 5th, but I was busy), I celebrated my third year anniversary with my girlfriend by going for a simple dinner date at Fosters Steakhouse @ Holland Village. The food was really good albeit a little pricey. But it was alright. Good food with good company. My idea of a perfect date (romantic or platonic friends both).



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I can't believe it's been three years since we've been together. That's a pretty long time if I think about it - three years ago, I was a helpless freshman in university. Now I am a junior (as they call it in America) who can't wait to graduate.

I'm grateful for this lovely girl who somehow sees something in me - this ordinary, unambitious, common person. I'm not the best of boyfriends - I don't send my gf home, I don't really spend a lot of time with her (well we see each other every weekend for church, but we don't have regular dates, unlike some other couples I know), and when I do go out with her, I'm not really good at staying out late.

I get tired and some sort of mental clock kicks in and I'll start wanting to go home just to rest, to unwind, to relax. That's assuming my social energy hasn't depleted before that.

I feel bad sometimes for giving her the subtle 'Hmm, what time is it' to hint at my fatigue, when I can see it in her eyes sometimes that she just wants that much more time with me. How do humans do it? This whole hanging out with people you love for long periods thing. I think I'm an alien. I'm like that for everyone - my bestie, my sbff, my close friends - our meetings don't really last long while I hear of other people talking for hours or something.



 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I guess what I try to do is to give more quality over quantity. I try to be there 100% when I'm out with my girl; I've had the habit of keeping my phone out of sight just to send the indirect signal that says 'hey, I don't care about the rest of the world now, I'm here with you now and that's what my mind's on'. I hope that compensates for my inability to stay out for long.

Or maybe the trick is to start dates earlier. If I get tired only at night, maybe if dates started from afternoons and extended to the night, then they would be longer right? Ok, I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this. Just letting thoughts flow. Mindfulness right. Nonjudgmental processing of ongoing thoughts.

For the recent year, I haven't had much doubt when thinking about our future together. And more recently, with a church friend getting married, we've been talking about weddings and stuff as if it was a natural progression, when in fact if you look at the journey we've taken it was quite a rocky one. But I guess it's through this rocky journey that we understand each other better, and iron out things that would be worse to get into after marriage.

I thank God for blessing us these past 3 years, for giving both of us the maturity and patience to bear with each other's shortcomings. For working through all the disagreements we've had. Relationships are tough. But they also bring great joy. The line 'if it makes you happy, it makes me happy too' is all too cheesy, but I've come to realize it is 100% true when it comes to her. When I see her smile and laugh, real, genuine smiles and laughs, my heart smiles.

It's not been easy, but it's never supposed to be easy. Every new year as a couple brings more challenges, fresh perspectives, new insights. Here's to 3 more (and hopefully many more) challenging yet fulfilling years to come.



 

 

 

Puzzle Puzzle

For my third anniversary with my girlfriend I created for her a series of puzzles to solve to finally reach a video of me singing for her.

While I'm not going to share the video with everyone, I thought I could let others try the puzzle too :)

So yup, the puzzle is over at http://thisisalanzblog.wordpress.com/2013/11/13/level-0-white-spaces/

The password to unlock level 0 is 'rawr'. (without the inverted commas). Enjoy!

 

 

Feel free to leave comments if you need hints!

My relaxation technique

Once in a while, I have insomnia. I either can't go to sleep, or I'll wake up in the early morning and can't go back to sleep. Sometimes I'll try to fall asleep using some relaxation techniques, and this one is by far the most effective one. Hope it works for you! Don't try it out as you're reading otherwise you may fall asleep :p

 

Step 1) Establish a steady deep breathing pattern

There are two parts to this. First, your breaths should be belly-breaths. Meaning, you don't expand your chest, but expand your stomach when you inhale. You should inhale deep and let the air expand your stomach. You can google it but this method of breathing basically takes in more oxygen and helps you to relax better.

Next is to establish the steady pattern. Count to 4 on an inhale, and 2 on exhale. 4, 2, 4, 2. Do this for about 10 consecutive breathing cycles (in and out), and you can move on to the next step.

After you stop being consciously aware of the 4-2 cycles, it's ok to not be super strict (i.e. breathe in 4s, out 2s) but just try to maintain the deep breathing pattern which you have established, for the rest of the exercise.

 

Step 2) The Body Scan

Now, you're going to start paying special concentrated conscious attention to each and every single small part of your body, one at a time. I usually do it from head to toe, you can do it from bottom up too.

Focus on one particular muscle/area (e.g. forehead), and consciously try to complete relax it. And I mean COMPLETELY. Like just feel all the tension in that spot drain out like water, and let a relaxing calm pass over it. You can imagine your spirit leaving your body at that part, but it's important to totally absolutely relax it.

Once you have done one muscle, move on to the next. Don't rush! Don't skip small muscles! So this includes the tiny small eye muscles that connect your eyebrows, the sides of your temples, those behind your ears, your cheeks, your jaw, your upper and lower lip... move steadily but slowly and don't leave out any part, doing the same relaxation technique.

If you have difficulty relaxing a particular part, try tensing/flexing it really hard for 3s, then release it. And let the relaxed feeling emeate....

After you have relaxed/given up control of a particular muscle/part, you should try not to move it at all for the rest of this exercise.

Do this for your whole body, until you have relaxed all ten of your toes.

 

Step 3) The House... and Beyond

Imagine you are in a grand big house. Make it as exquisite and grand as you'd like. You are at the top of a spiral staircase, with beautiful wooden banisters and all. Slowly walk down the steps, counting each step. There are twenty steps in total. Take in the beauty of the stairs, and while doing all these, maintain the deep breathing, the motionlessness of your body.

Once you've reached the bottom, the front door is in front of you. Open the front door, and exit into.... the most beautiful and luxurious garden you've seen in your life. Butterflies are flitting everywhere, the smell of freshly mown grass hits your nose, and you walk through the wonders of nature, feeling absolutely carefree and delighted. You hear birds chirping; maybe some even fly to you. It's all up to you what to picture. Just imagine a scene of beauty and serenity.

You walk through the garden, and eventually reach a stream / waterfall. The lapping sounds of the gently falling water forms a nice soothing backdrop against the chirping birds and sounds of nature. You take in the wonderful scenery for a while ... you can imagine further whatever else you want to see.

After you are done with this serene walk, it's time to go back to your house.

You slowly plod back towards your grand big house. Visualize everything you've walked past earlier. Soak in the peace and calm of the moment.

You reach your house finally, and open the door. You see the flight of spiral stairs again. Wonderful ivory, fresh musk. You close the door, and begin walking up the stairs slowly, counting each step again. There are twenty steps in total.

When you reach the top, that's the end of this exercise.