Pre

I don't think I am a very good writer.

Wait what? Inferiority complex speaking?

Well, perhaps it's because I'm surrounded by really good writers; people who's writing I really admire and enjoy reading, such as mrbrown, weiqin (ahha yes I just did put your name next to mrbrown) etc. They have their own voice that they write with, and have their own unique and interesting style of writing.

I am a little different. I am a chameleon. I adapt to different styles that I like and adapt mine accordingly. This doesn't just apply to my writing, but also my behavior and mannerisms. It's almost subconscious but I am aware that I'm doing it. It's not an intentional decision to mimic, but I just do.

However, I'd like to believe that I have my own little distinct style. Just hidden amidst all the layers of mimicry, the layers of other people's styles, is my little gem of ME.

Ok that was a huge digression. Anyway I've had different people tell me that they enjoy reading my blog. I've no idea why. I don't think I'm particularly interesting or funny, but they tell me I am. Nonetheless, I appreciate these comments, and they add a little edge to the smile in my heart.
So I went back to read some of my blog posts to find out what was so interesting, and I realized something interesting.. like a prophecy that came true or something haha.

From a pre-Arts Camp entry:

"I am quite hyped and excited about meeting the freshies and all hehe. Hope they're a fun bunchhope I can click with at least some of them!"

1) Fun bunch? Understatement. They're mad! hahaha. Easily the most enthusiastic bunch of people I've met in camps so far. And crazy. and mad. And fun. :D I love the freshies (even if they don't love me D: ), and I hope they remain this close and this enthusiastic for a long time.

2) I don't know if I should consider it clicking, but I did get to bond with a certain few people. I'm really glad it turned out this way, even though this meant sacrificing bonding with the guys and getting alot of flak for it. Screw them. It's a tradeoff I don't regret taking. I hope these small group of people do end up being my good, close friends for a long time.

From the same entry:

"AND it would be a super duper mega ultra unlikely bonus if .... there was just ONE person who is into Starcraft 2 like me! Omg bff for the camp already just talk SC2 strategies the whole camp hahhaha."

I DID find ONE person in the OG who played SC2 - was even pretty good! Masters league! However, he had already stopped playing, and didn't intend to go back to the game. So it was like... finding a pot of gold but the pot is sealed and welded to the ground permanently.
Ok terrible analogy but you get the point. I hope.

"Still undecided if I should take leave on 20-22 to stay on at Arts Camp or just drop by at nights."

Did end up taking leave, and was the best decision I made. Can't imagine how different it would be if I had just dropped by at nights. Won't be able to forge as many bonds!
Actually in the day I didn't really get to talk/bond much. Cos the freshies play the games, not me ma. It's the nights that made the difference.


So prophesy aside, I'm looking ahead at the new semester. Yes, 'at' the new semester, that wasn't a grammatical (or prepositional, whatever it's called) mistake. I'm looking at how much time I have left before school starts, and what I should do with my time.

For a brief moment last night, I was hit by a sudden impulse (is 'sudden' rhetorical?) to play WoW again.
(You can click this link to see my awesome journey through WoW. And how I earned $750 from it)
I really did love the game, and only stopped because school was starting.

I was even contemplating quitting my job so that I can focus on WoW for this month and at least hit end-game content and raid abit =X

But after some consideration, I managed to repress this urge and I think I won't be starting again! It better not swell up and overwhelm me again.


Ok, this blog post ended up much longer than it should be. If you wondered why the title was 'pre', it's because I was talking about 2 pre- things - precamp and preschoolstart. Haha. Till next time, my friends. (I'm assuming you are my friend hence you're reading this. If you're not I've no idea why you're reading this. Are you that bored? There are nicer things to read like www.cracked.com check it out yo)

poem for friends

A friend like me

People laugh and people cry
When life's bad, they ask why
How to get up when they fall
Rise up again to stand tall
They look to you and wonder
How come you don't go under
If only they could see
That you have a friend like me.

A friend to listen,
A friend to care
A friend who is ready
For you to share
A friend to lean on
When you're uncertain
A friend who'll pull you up
When you hit rock bottom

Keep your chin up
Take joy in the fact
That I'll be there for you
For any emotional attack
When the dust settles
And the night is withdrawn
I'll be right next to you
Past the break of dawn.

-alan teo (C) 2011

It's an odd feeling

Cognitive dissonance. Psychologists use the term to describe a certain mental discomfort that you experience, whenever your behavior and attitude aren't aligned. For instance, you know you're an honest person. Or at least you believe yourself so, and would describe yourself as one. One day, an inexplicable urge overcomes you to tell a lie. You suddenly feel very uneasy. You start questioning yourself. You experience cognitive dissonance.


I've been feeling weird lately. Cognitive dissonance is running through me. These 3 sentences rhyme happily.
OK random digression aside. After a 5 day hiatus from SC2, it feels weird to be playing it again. I don't have the same desire, passion, to play the game. To improve. To play more.

Everyone needs something to drive them. Something that keeps them going. A spark, something to ignite their engine. What is mine? I have nothing now.
Oh my, onset of depression ? haha. Random fact - it is commonly thought that depression is just a presence of sadness. However it's more accurately an absence of happiness. There's a subtle but vital difference. It's just not the same thing.
For example, everyone does feel sad from time to time. Maybe your friend stood you up. Maybe your dog died. I don't know. But you bounce back from it and engage in other meaningful activities which cheer you up.
Depressed people don't just not bounce back, but they don't derive pleasure from any activity. They never get 'cheered up'. Hence they remain in their depressed state.


Related to having drive is to have ambition. We all need a direction to head towards, otherwise how do we know where to go? Yes, I am an undergraduate in Arts and Social Science and my major is Psychology. Then comes the follow-up question - So what do you want to do after you graduate?

- I don't want to be a Psychologist/Psychiatrist
- I don't know what post-grad studies to do. Masters in.. what?

What jobs are open for me? What can I work as? HR? That's about it.

It's not that I am apathetic to this. Yes, I am generally an apathetic person. But I am aware of the NECESSITY to be in touch with society, to be up to date with news, to CARE about this. So I make the effort to do so. This drains energy from me. But I still do.
Anyway, I do think about this alot. What am I going to work as?

I'm very simple. I don't aim to be rich. I just want to earn enough to lead a comfortable life and be able to provide for my family. Pay off housing loans, have more than enough for food, and save up for my kids' university education. I'm not materialistic, I don't spend alot. Thus, I don't exactly need a high paying job.

But still. What can I work as? Civil service? MCYS? That's the closest I have to an inclination as to where I want to work as next time. And I'm not even sure.

Think I have to start thinking about this more seriously. Not just more, but more seriously.