Cognitive dissonance. Psychologists use the term to describe a certain mental discomfort that you experience, whenever your behavior and attitude aren't aligned. For instance, you know you're an honest person. Or at least you believe yourself so, and would describe yourself as one. One day, an inexplicable urge overcomes you to tell a lie. You suddenly feel very uneasy. You start questioning yourself. You experience cognitive dissonance.
I've been feeling weird lately. Cognitive dissonance is running through me. These 3 sentences rhyme happily.
OK random digression aside. After a 5 day hiatus from SC2, it feels weird to be playing it again. I don't have the same desire, passion, to play the game. To improve. To play more.
Everyone needs something to drive them. Something that keeps them going. A spark, something to ignite their engine. What is mine? I have nothing now.
Oh my, onset of depression ? haha. Random fact - it is commonly thought that depression is just a presence of sadness. However it's more accurately an absence of happiness. There's a subtle but vital difference. It's just not the same thing.
For example, everyone does feel sad from time to time. Maybe your friend stood you up. Maybe your dog died. I don't know. But you bounce back from it and engage in other meaningful activities which cheer you up.
Depressed people don't just not bounce back, but they don't derive pleasure from any activity. They never get 'cheered up'. Hence they remain in their depressed state.
Related to having drive is to have ambition. We all need a direction to head towards, otherwise how do we know where to go? Yes, I am an undergraduate in Arts and Social Science and my major is Psychology. Then comes the follow-up question - So what do you want to do after you graduate?
- I don't want to be a Psychologist/Psychiatrist
- I don't know what post-grad studies to do. Masters in.. what?
What jobs are open for me? What can I work as? HR? That's about it.
It's not that I am apathetic to this. Yes, I am generally an apathetic person. But I am aware of the NECESSITY to be in touch with society, to be up to date with news, to CARE about this. So I make the effort to do so. This drains energy from me. But I still do.
Anyway, I do think about this alot. What am I going to work as?
I'm very simple. I don't aim to be rich. I just want to earn enough to lead a comfortable life and be able to provide for my family. Pay off housing loans, have more than enough for food, and save up for my kids' university education. I'm not materialistic, I don't spend alot. Thus, I don't exactly need a high paying job.
But still. What can I work as? Civil service? MCYS? That's the closest I have to an inclination as to where I want to work as next time. And I'm not even sure.
Think I have to start thinking about this more seriously. Not just more, but more seriously.
Friday, 24 June 2011
Thursday, 23 June 2011
Arts Camp 2011 (1)
Just came back from Arts Camp yesterday! Wow it was really a blast, being the first Arts Camp I've been to.
I just went back to read my O week blog post (here) and realized the experience was just... quite different. It's like I had fun then as a freshie, so the fun is different. And this time round as a facil it is a very different feeling. hmm. I'll talk more about this later.
Anyway I don't have most of the photos yet, have to wait for Shaun / whoever-else-used-camera to upload them then I may make a 2nd post resembling my O week blog post. This post will be just with the photos I took with my phone and moreboring wordy thoughts-filled!
I didn't sign up as a facil because I was planning to work (need $$) and so I didn't know if I could commit to it. I ended up staying for every single day anyway, and was a 'full-time crasher' haha.
Ok the odd thing was this. While I definitely enjoyed hanging out with her, when she is around I feel like I have to accompany her otherwise it's like quite bad to leave her alone? Thus I can't leave her to go mingle with freshies.
Yet at the same time, at times when I can't mingle with freshies I'll want her around to pei ME haha.
And candice is like quite chill and wanna hide at the back kind haha so can't like pull her along to where the freshies are to do cheer or dunno what. So it was quite a dilemma. But I think I ended up balancing it ok la.
I hope.
Glad she came!
Day 1's night games was some odd game that I never quite understood because we didn't go for the briefing. I was assigned to some random spot so I dragged candice/sien/munch along, my fellow crashers!
Random camwhoring ensued.
Oh and it was SP night too! The freshies were all blindfolded and brought to meet other blindfolded people. Then the facils keep on ka-jiaoing the blindfolded freshies it was hilarious lololol. (when you're not the blindfolded one la hahaha)
And it was also the first time I spoke to some of the freshies.. and noone really knew my name besides the fact that I was 'the spectacles guy' hahaha. unique red specs =X
Ok i've no idea what day 2 was I can't remember already! I think like it's harder to remember when you don't play the games? Oh wait I know it's the Where's Wally thing but this called Finding Nemo. Councillor like quite chill dont need kena nailpolish or glitter or anything haha. With less contextual cues, poorer episodic memory!
#randomlypluggingPsychtermstoshamelesslyshowoff
Night 2's Fright night was REALLY AWESOME haha the ghosts all super convincing and scary looking! But the biggest shock I got was Sarah's scream so.. lolol.
Anyway, Day 3 was Beach Day!
It all really felt quite different - without playing the games it seems like it was all more chill and stuff. Like not doing anything! Too slack already.
As usual the guys went to dunk girls and guys and whoever they could get their hands on... I didn't join in as I don't like this kinda thing? Just find it lame. Like taopok / dunking all these. Especially dunking girls?!? This year wasn't so bad, last year during O week the girls all unite and struggle like mad and it looked like some rape scene. Just not my type of thing. :/
3rd night was awesome, not because of the games, but because of the quality time I spent with 3 freshies, simin, jo-ann and sang.
Anyone who knows me well will know that I prefer smaller groups as compared to big groups, 1-on-1 as compared to small groups (2nd one more for when sharing personal stuff). Hence I never liked all those entire-OG HTHT sessions i think it's quite lame? And don't have the right atmosphere and mood. Like why will I want to share my personal thoughts and feelings with like 912873 people at once?
So it was like, the entire OG was having some group thing but when they shifted outside those 3 girls didn't wanna go out cos they were feeling uncomfortable w what they were talking abt (shoot shag marry.. -_- ) and so basically the 3 of us just talked nonsense and personal stuff and everything under the sun for a few hours!
Which is why subsequently when people asked me 'what did you talk/htht with the girls about??' I had no idea what to answer them, because we talked about like everything.
4th day was wargames + social night which was more for the freshies than anything. I'm totally not the clubbing type so I was bored stiff at Central forum where they had the clubbing music and the dance tentage and whatnot. Don't drink either, so... omg absolute boredom.
I was saved when some girls said they were tired and wanted to go back to hall, so I quickly said that I would go back with them. Made some emo tweets for some reason which I won't mention on a public sphere like this.
managed to get another mini session of htht with simin n joann (sang fell asleep) but the two girls were too tired so it ended early. I mean, last night supposed to not sleep and talk till morning one what! lol. oh well.
5th day was a waste of time, basically some lame ceremony where all freshies shook hands with all facils. Like ALL, the entire camp. Won't bother describing it because it's lame. But I got my favourite part of camps:
I'm a pretty sentimental person, and I like all these meaningful things ma. So... :D Ok la not bad got meaningful and longenough comments from the people that mattered so yay. :)
And even got cute drawings:
This batch of freshies are REALLY enthu - the most enthu freshies in all the camps I've been to (O week and Psych camp). I mean, to have freshies leading cheer on 1st /2nd day, freshies wanting to run from station to station on their own volition - mad awesomeness!
And just one day after camp they're already planning OG outing! Man, they're great.
I hope the bonds I've forged will last looong. Camp has made me feel really lazy about doing anything now, like don't feel like working anymore haha just wanna nua. Maybe it's the fact that I only slept 12 hours in 4 nights, and only got to sleep from 8-8 (have work today so must wake up early)
It was a great experience, albeit a little different because I was a crasher-facil, but I still liked it nonetheless. It's kinda odd though, like I want to hang out with the freshies but then like abit weird if the freshies all gather talk then the seniors are all the other table then I go over alone and sit with them. Then I'm not like super close with the facils either so ... JUST ODD.
And I've more or less confirmed that I'm at introvert, in accordance to Jung's theory of introversion/extraversion, as my gf pointed out to me.
Because I was telling her I felt really socially drained by the 4th/5th day - Like I don't quite know how to make small talk anymore and I was perfectly fine not talking to anyone and just listening to others or sitting alone though I kept forcing myself to at least chip in with random one-liners here and there and laugh along at things.
It felt like I had used up all my socializing-energy or something ! And as the theory suggests,
(or rather this was how my gf paraphrased it)
Yup. With that, I shall abruptly end this entry.
I just went back to read my O week blog post (here) and realized the experience was just... quite different. It's like I had fun then as a freshie, so the fun is different. And this time round as a facil it is a very different feeling. hmm. I'll talk more about this later.
Anyway I don't have most of the photos yet, have to wait for Shaun / whoever-else-used-camera to upload them then I may make a 2nd post resembling my O week blog post. This post will be just with the photos I took with my phone and more
I didn't sign up as a facil because I was planning to work (need $$) and so I didn't know if I could commit to it. I ended up staying for every single day anyway, and was a 'full-time crasher' haha.
 |
| Fellow crasher Candice! She came for the first and third day |
Yet at the same time, at times when I can't mingle with freshies I'll want her around to pei ME haha.
And candice is like quite chill and wanna hide at the back kind haha so can't like pull her along to where the freshies are to do cheer or dunno what. So it was quite a dilemma. But I think I ended up balancing it ok la.
I hope.
Glad she came!
Day 1's night games was some odd game that I never quite understood because we didn't go for the briefing. I was assigned to some random spot so I dragged candice/sien/munch along, my fellow crashers!
Random camwhoring ensued.
 |
| Don't ask me what is this they asked me to pose like that idk what this is either |
Oh and it was SP night too! The freshies were all blindfolded and brought to meet other blindfolded people. Then the facils keep on ka-jiaoing the blindfolded freshies it was hilarious lololol. (when you're not the blindfolded one la hahaha)
And it was also the first time I spoke to some of the freshies.. and noone really knew my name besides the fact that I was 'the spectacles guy' hahaha. unique red specs =X
Ok i've no idea what day 2 was I can't remember already! I think like it's harder to remember when you don't play the games? Oh wait I know it's the Where's Wally thing but this called Finding Nemo. Councillor like quite chill dont need kena nailpolish or glitter or anything haha. With less contextual cues, poorer episodic memory!
#randomlypluggingPsychtermstoshamelesslyshowoff
Night 2's Fright night was REALLY AWESOME haha the ghosts all super convincing and scary looking! But the biggest shock I got was Sarah's scream so.. lolol.
Anyway, Day 3 was Beach Day!
 | ||
| Me with the lovebirds whose hands probably parted for at most 5 minutes the ENTIRE day. I'm not exaggerating. Ok maybe I am. It was probably only 1-2 minutes. | . |
 |
| star pose fail attempt |
 |
| I put super adhesive glue on my head and stuck them to it. |
 |
| The guy next to me is Hysen AKA S-House-Manslut. Why is he called manslut? see next picture. And the guy next to him is Criss Angel. Ok fine no Angel |
 |
| wtf |
It all really felt quite different - without playing the games it seems like it was all more chill and stuff. Like not doing anything! Too slack already.
As usual the guys went to dunk girls and guys and whoever they could get their hands on... I didn't join in as I don't like this kinda thing? Just find it lame. Like taopok / dunking all these. Especially dunking girls?!? This year wasn't so bad, last year during O week the girls all unite and struggle like mad and it looked like some rape scene. Just not my type of thing. :/
3rd night was awesome, not because of the games, but because of the quality time I spent with 3 freshies, simin, jo-ann and sang.
Anyone who knows me well will know that I prefer smaller groups as compared to big groups, 1-on-1 as compared to small groups (2nd one more for when sharing personal stuff). Hence I never liked all those entire-OG HTHT sessions i think it's quite lame? And don't have the right atmosphere and mood. Like why will I want to share my personal thoughts and feelings with like 912873 people at once?
So it was like, the entire OG was having some group thing but when they shifted outside those 3 girls didn't wanna go out cos they were feeling uncomfortable w what they were talking abt (shoot shag marry.. -_- ) and so basically the 3 of us just talked nonsense and personal stuff and everything under the sun for a few hours!
Which is why subsequently when people asked me 'what did you talk/htht with the girls about??' I had no idea what to answer them, because we talked about like everything.
4th day was wargames + social night which was more for the freshies than anything. I'm totally not the clubbing type so I was bored stiff at Central forum where they had the clubbing music and the dance tentage and whatnot. Don't drink either, so... omg absolute boredom.
I was saved when some girls said they were tired and wanted to go back to hall, so I quickly said that I would go back with them. Made some emo tweets for some reason which I won't mention on a public sphere like this.
managed to get another mini session of htht with simin n joann (sang fell asleep) but the two girls were too tired so it ended early. I mean, last night supposed to not sleep and talk till morning one what! lol. oh well.
5th day was a waste of time, basically some lame ceremony where all freshies shook hands with all facils. Like ALL, the entire camp. Won't bother describing it because it's lame. But I got my favourite part of camps:
 | ||||||
| The card! |
And even got cute drawings:
 |
| Why am I wearing a mitten |
This batch of freshies are REALLY enthu - the most enthu freshies in all the camps I've been to (O week and Psych camp). I mean, to have freshies leading cheer on 1st /2nd day, freshies wanting to run from station to station on their own volition - mad awesomeness!
And just one day after camp they're already planning OG outing! Man, they're great.
I hope the bonds I've forged will last looong. Camp has made me feel really lazy about doing anything now, like don't feel like working anymore haha just wanna nua. Maybe it's the fact that I only slept 12 hours in 4 nights, and only got to sleep from 8-8 (have work today so must wake up early)
It was a great experience, albeit a little different because I was a crasher-facil, but I still liked it nonetheless. It's kinda odd though, like I want to hang out with the freshies but then like abit weird if the freshies all gather talk then the seniors are all the other table then I go over alone and sit with them. Then I'm not like super close with the facils either so ... JUST ODD.
And I've more or less confirmed that I'm at introvert, in accordance to Jung's theory of introversion/extraversion, as my gf pointed out to me.
Because I was telling her I felt really socially drained by the 4th/5th day - Like I don't quite know how to make small talk anymore and I was perfectly fine not talking to anyone and just listening to others or sitting alone though I kept forcing myself to at least chip in with random one-liners here and there and laugh along at things.
It felt like I had used up all my socializing-energy or something ! And as the theory suggests,
(or rather this was how my gf paraphrased it)
"Extroverts draw energy from being in social groups and situations, so they like to be in them. They feel more energized and positive etcetc with more social interaction.
Introverts deplete energy in social groups and situations. It takes effort for them to be part of these, so their 'social energy' will eventually be depleted and they'll be unable to sustain this anymore."
Yup. With that, I shall abruptly end this entry.
Tuesday, 14 June 2011
random camwhoring
Hey look I'm blogging again! Wow surprise surprise.
Anyway yesterday I met sh for dinner after work :) She came all the way down to meet me at my office la and we ate near my place too. my awesome girlfriend.
ok yup PICTURE SPAMM. All pictures taken with LemeLeme! (iPhone camera app)
But I said she puff her face so small, where got look like what I'm doing!? So she :
Actually that's not all for this entry, just the photospam!
Today is my first tuition lesson! Oh man. I've already prepared a worksheet to let my Sec3 Emath kid do.. hope he takes 1.5 hours to do haha then I can just chill there.
Maaaannn hope it goes well.
And me and SH together with 2 other friends have planned a holiday to Batam!! Whee! First time in my life I'm actually going for a holiday like this. Yes yes, I don't travel much. I'm a poor boy k, + I dont really have a tight clique of friends to go on trips like these. I'm more of a 1-to-1 guy!
OK anyway. Excited about the trip :D Hope my passport application goes through quickly and smoothly and we can confirm it.
Anyway yesterday I met sh for dinner after work :) She came all the way down to meet me at my office la and we ate near my place too. my awesome girlfriend.
ok yup PICTURE SPAMM. All pictures taken with LemeLeme! (iPhone camera app)
 | ||||||
| For this picture she said she was imitating what I was doing. |
 |
| Me and |
 |
| That's all! |
Today is my first tuition lesson! Oh man. I've already prepared a worksheet to let my Sec3 Emath kid do.. hope he takes 1.5 hours to do haha then I can just chill there.
Maaaannn hope it goes well.
And me and SH together with 2 other friends have planned a holiday to Batam!! Whee! First time in my life I'm actually going for a holiday like this. Yes yes, I don't travel much. I'm a poor boy k, + I dont really have a tight clique of friends to go on trips like these. I'm more of a 1-to-1 guy!
OK anyway. Excited about the trip :D Hope my passport application goes through quickly and smoothly and we can confirm it.
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